And whispered in the Sounds of Silence
by MsTonksLupin
Summary: Remus Lupin is alone. He has lost his friends, and he has thrown her out of his life. Remus Lupin just needs to walk. In restless dreams he walks alone, in narrow streets of cobblestone. Simon&Garfunkel songfic. Better than it sounds: Hope you like it


Remus Lupin was thrown out of his bed, breathing heavily. The same nightmare was keeping him awake since he had learnt the news, and he knew that it was only impossible to try and get back to bed.

Remus Lupin didn't smoke. However, there were times when he could use the company of a cigarette. He sighed, and realized he needed to get out of his flat, in order to find some cigarettes. The idea of leaving his place, didn't seem promising. It neither seemed unpromising, of course. He knew that getting out in the world would not make him feel better, but he hoped that the walking process would make him clear his mind.

No, not apparating. Not Floo Network. Remus Lupin wanted to walk.

He locked the door with his wand and then put his palms in the pockets of his jacket.

Remus Lupin did not need a jacket. The light summer evening breeze was only pleasant, and did not make an overcoat necessary. However, he needed a reminder of his old self to walk with him, and that was exactly the role of the jacket of his late teenage years. Which had not finished long ago.

Hello darkness, my old friend  
>I've come to talk with you again<br>Because a vision softly creeping  
>Left its seeds while I was sleeping<br>And the vision that was planted in my brain  
>Still remains<br>Within the sound of silence

It was only painful to remember those teenage years, which were directly linked to his school, the best time of his life. Remus Lupin was used to being alone, to try to speak but getting no answer, until he met his friends at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. James and Sirius made him feel normal, even special, even though they always were superior to him. But he didn't mind. He felt safe with his friends. And Peter… poor Peter. No, they never treated Peter right. They didn't really help _him _feel normal, he thought with a pang of guilt. And Lilly, she was the only girl who accepted him like he was.

And now, gone. All of them. They left silence behind them, silence, guilt and uncertainty. All of them gone, and Remus Lupin left alone.

He walked in the dark Flamel's drive, his hands still in his pockets. He recalled the reason he had left his flat. Yes, cigarettes.

Cigarettes… Why did he think they would help him?

He abandoned the thought of smoking, and instead continued walking, taking deep breaths of the summer air. He shivered in his coat. Cold?

Hot. It was hot. The air didn't help. He was sweaty and his stomach felt weird.

He was used to it.

He kept walking.

In restless dreams I walked alone  
>Narrow streets of cobblestone<br>'Neath the halo of a street lamp  
>I turned my collar to the cold and damp<br>When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light  
>That split the night<br>And touched the sound of silence 

Remus Lupin saw young adults in his age, with bottles of firewhiskey, laughing, celebrating _his _destruction. Voldemort's.

But he had nobody to celebrate with. And he had not a good reason to feel like celebrating. Remus Lupin could only feel relieved that the Dark Lord had disappeared, and he would feel excited, if he had not taken all his friends with him, if he had not killed James and Lilly, if he had not _taken _Sirius with him.

Sirius' loss was worse. Not because Sirius was anything different to him than James and Lilly, no. James and Lilly died, and that was terrible. But Sirius did not die, he _killed _them.

Which now meant that he was worse than dead. Remus needed to forget his existence.

Sirius Black betrayed his best friends, and killed poor Peter too. And now Sirius was in Azkaban.

Remus Lupin had been walking in the magical neighborhoods for so long, until he realized that he was heading to Godric's Hollow. That was where James and Lilly lived. He had not been in their house since that dreadful day, and he was not ready to go there now.

Images of Sirius and James playing quidditch, of transforming with him, of helping him, images of Sirius being best man in James and Lilly's wedding, of scared Lilly holding her baby and talking to him and Sirius about the Dark Lord's plan for them, images of the five of them laughing, in school, after a prank...

It was alright. People changed. People _died_.

Remus Lupin pulled his jacket tight around him, and started walking more quickly, as sobs started shaking his body.

And in the naked light I saw  
>Ten thousand people, maybe more<br>People talking without speaking  
>People hearing without listening<br>People writing songs that voices never share  
>And no one dared<br>Disturb the sound of silence 

**Fifteen years later…**

Remus Lupin did not drink. Well, he loved butterbeer, but that did not count as drinking. However, at the moment, his throat felt particularly dry and he found himself in need for alcohol. He raised his wand and accio'd the firewhiskey bottle from the kitchen, but it arrived empty. He got up, grabbed his old coat and walked out of the Headquarters.

The roads outside were full of people. The weather was pleasant, the coat was unnecessary, and young Muggles were out, ready for an amusing night.

Young. That he was not anymore.

It was not a quiet night. The voices were passing through his ears, without really making any sense, only causing dizziness to him.

He found himself outside the Leaky Cauldron. He entered and nodded to Tom, the waiter. Tom was not used to seeing him at his shop, but he didn't really mind of his werewolf state and that was a good thing. Remus Lupin couldn't spot any acquaintances in the place, which made him feel better. The place was full of witches and wizards, talking, playing explosive cards, causing noise with their filthy goblets, full of alcohol. He was staring at them without really watching, their actions were a blurry sight, not necessary for him, but the firewhiskey was.

"Fools", said I, "You do not know  
>Silence like a cancer grows<br>Hear my words that I might teach you  
>Take my arms that I might reach you"<br>But my words, like silent raindrops fell  
>And echoed<br>In the wells of silence

He felt anger running through his body. Terrible and painful anger. He could not believe that there were people following Voldemort, he could never forgive Peter for being so evil.

How could they?

Also, how could there be people who did not believe Harry, and Dumbledore, that he was back?

How foolish people were. 

Alone, again. He should have learnt to deal with it by now. How could he believe that it would change? He had found Sirius again, they had spent a great year in his house, together with the Order, with their friends, with Tonks.

And now he was gone, again. Now forever. But this time, Sirius was just dead, and Peter was _worse_ than dead.

Sirius. Dead.

Remus Lupin was alone.

Apart from that, Remus Lupin had left _her_. She had told him she loved him but he avoided her. He had told her that they could not be together.

It was true. They couldn't. He was too old, too poor, too dangerous.

He had thrown her out of his life.

Alone. He was alone, as he always should be. Silence. It was silent. Everybody was talking around him but it was silent, and the drink was burning in his throat, in a positive way.

He missed her, as much as she missed them. She was not dead, if she was he would be too. But she was away, she had gone away, she was lost, because he was too old, too poor, too dangerous.

She did not understand. She knew how he felt around her, but she did not understand that they couldn't possibly be together.

It was painful, but he had accepted it. Besides, that was Remus Lupin's destiny. To be alone.

And the people bowed and prayed  
>To the neon god they made<br>And the sign flashed out its warning  
>In the words that it was forming<br>And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls  
>And tenement halls"<br>And whispered in the sounds of silence

He took a sip of his drink, having the image of the liquid running in his brain, covering everything, everything and everyone should drown into firewhiskey. Sirius was dead, James was dead, and Tonks…

He felt a hand on his shoulder and his heart stopped. He knew that scent.

"Wotcher. Are you sitting alone?"

He had heard this voice. There was not silence anymore. She was here.

I wasn't feeling really happy today, and I was listening to the beautiful song of Simon&Garfunkel. So I had to write a silly fic to describe my mood. I hope you like it! Thank you for all your support on my other fics!


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